Exhausted.

Today was exhausting. 

As some of you know, I have entered back into the world of education. I've decided to put my foot back in that door, and so just about a month ago I became a Substitute Teacher.

It has been a very interesting experience.

I'll be completely honest. Being a Substitute Teacher is a hard job. Most days of the week I come home exhausted...in the past month, I've come home in tears once.

We (referencing Substitute Teachers) walk in to new classrooms every day. Sometimes, we see multiple classrooms a day. We are walking in to completely different management styles, different students, different atmospheres. Somehow, we have to seamlessly continue on a teacher's daily lesson plan after reviewing it for a short time in the morning before students begin to arrive. Sometimes, the plans make sense. Sometimes the plans make no sense. Sometimes, you have to completely reorganize the afternoon in 5 minutes when a guest speaker walks in to the room that was not in the afternoon schedule. Sometimes you feel successful, sometimes you fake it till you make it. Sometimes you just feel like a joke, or think that the kids and other teachers who witness you in action think you are a joke. 

Someday, hopefully soon, I will have my own classroom. Teaching in general isn't easy, but there is a comfort in knowing where you will be everyday. There is a comfort in knowing you get to work with the same kids everyday, tracking their progress, to establish routine. There is a comfort in having a team of teachers surrounding you, where you all get to collaborate and share ideas. Teaching your own classroom is highly different from Substitute Teaching.

On the tough days, the days where I feel like I am just awful at teaching, I remind myself of this. I am creating connections, I am getting to know the schools in the district I want to work in.  This is how I get my "in". I know I am a good teacher. Being a Substitute Teacher is my way of networking in to a future job.

The moral of this story. 

Sometimes days are rough. PUSH THROUGH THOSE. You are working your way to your place, your passion. Don't let a bad day make you feel like you are on the wrong path. Look at the bigger picture. 

Whatever your goals are:

Stay strong! Be bold! Don't stop!

You can do this.

I've seen this photo before, but it's the damn truth. Real success has a lot of squiggles, a lot of ups and downs, lots of steps forward but plenty of steps back.

You are worth it.

I'm an open, honest person. At least I believe I am. So sometimes I overshare. If you don't care, don't read it :)

I've had a GOOD life. A blessed life. I LOVE my life. So this is not me complaining. The past 5 years after moving to Minnesota has been a growing experience, and I am who I am today because of everything I have been through.

In the past 5 years, I've done a lot of career guessing.

I've gone from Teacher, to Substitute Teacher, to Nanny, to Before and After School Care Teacher, to Mary Kay Lady, to Patient Care Coordinator, to Event Planner/Business Owner, to an Office Sales Assistant.

I allowed myself to believe I am a failure.

I have seen a lot of fluctuation in my weight. Mostly it going up.

I have watched myself stop caring about my hobbies.

I have watched myself communicate less and less with those I love. Friends, family.

I remember one day, admitting my failure to my husband. He looked at me, tears in my eyes, and proclaimed, "You are NOT a failure. You've tried some things. They didn't work out. That doesn't mean you failed. I've never viewed you as a failure."

He said this to me a couple years ago, and while it meant the world to me, I didn't believe it for myself. And without going in to huge detail, and telling an incredibly long story, I'll sum it up with how one day I finally decided to believe it.

I am NOT a failure.

In fact, all of those situations have given me experiences that no other person on this earth will ever get to have. They have made me who I am today and I am EXCITED to see what is coming. I wouldn't change any of those experiences one bit.

I will be a teacher.

I will gain control of my health.

I will pursue my passions.

I will change lives, and I believe those lives will be changed for the better. 

I will succeed. I am worth it.

I want to tell you, today, that you are NOT a failure. 

You only fail if you sit in your own self pity and stay there.

Pick yourself up, start again. Do this until you make it. You are worth it.

Join me on this journey!